Envy of Angels (Matt Wallace)

Envy of Angels
A Sin du Jour Affair, Book 1
Matt Wallace
Tordotcom
Fiction, Fantasy/Humor
**+ (Bad/Okay)

DESCRIPTION: Roomie chefs Darren and Lena thought their dreams of New York City careers were over after an unfortunate incident led to them being blackballed across the city... until they get a phone call from Chef Byron "Bronko" Luck with a job offer they literally cannot refuse (at least, not if they want to sleep anywhere but a park bench). The first sight of the nondescript front of Sin du Jour, tucked in a remote and unpromising corner of town, doesn't exactly fill them with confidence, nor does their first encounter with the staff, for whom the word "eccentric" is far too mild, but once again they don't have much choice, plus there's something intriguing about such a peculiar outfit. How intriguing, they don't quite understand, until Darren is attacked by the weird bug that explodes from a jar in the pantry... and until the first meal they're tasked with prepping has a very special main course: a real, live angel.
Sin du Jour caters to the sort of clientele the rest of the world doesn't even believe exists, such as sparring clans of demons and the government agencies tasks with keeping their eternal conflicts from claiming too many civilian lives. The angel feast is meant to commemorate a peace treaty between clans. But even Chef Luck, who has his share of questionable life choices and clients and whose elite finding team literally goes beyond the ends of the earth for rare delicacies and ingredients, can't bring himself to butcher one of God's own celestial servants, no matter how big the tip. The quest to find and prepare an acceptable substitute dish leads to no end of trouble, and to the deepest, darkest secrets behind one of the world's top fast food franchises.

REVIEW: Sometimes, I think there needs to be a memo posted somewhere explaining that just because a character is Eccentric, it doesn't make them interesting. Just because a concept is Silly, it doesn't make it interesting. Just because the author is practically staving in my ribs nudging my side and winking at how Clever and Quirky and Crude the story is, hammering it home with every sentence, it doesn't make said story remotely engaging, enjoyable, or interesting. Indeed, the harder an author tries, the less interesting I'm inclined to find it. And if I'm not interested, I'm not laughing.
The story starts off on an iffy note, introducing four unlikable characters engaged in unlikable antics - namely devouring the hatchlings of a giant mantid, whom they casually slaughter when it comes calling for revenge. This is all played for laughs, but does not predispose me to care one bit about any of these characters, except perhaps the poor mantid. Indeed, I half-expected these to be the bad guys, especially as they treat the whole incident like a drug deal gone sour, or some sort of illegal poaching ring. Then we cut to Darren and Lena, two cardboard caricatures in what will be an entire army of cardboard caricatures, whom I suspect existed just to lead the reader into the concept of Sin du Jour and provide an outsider's point of view to whom characters could explain things... only people don't really explain things, and the narrative jumps all over into random places and people anyway, and Darren and Lena get lost in the shuffle and don't really seem to belong or have a purpose for existing (Darren in particular). Then the author chucks a bucket full of Eccentric and Silly caricature characters at the reader, devotes far too much page time to the unlikable foursome from the introduction (who conduct their jobs, seeking out ingredients and recipes and espionage, like a crack team of thieves, only with so many out-of-the-blue gizmos and gadgets there really isn't much in the way of tension to the heist) while making tiresome and overplayed jabs at fast food megacorporations and the questionable nature of their food-colored products. Eventually, things get back to the catering event itself, where things take utterly absurd twists on the way to a finale that I think the author thought was very, very Clever. And, of course, it's only the first "affair" of a series dedicated to the Eccentric and Silly exploits of Chef Luck and Sin du Jour, which devolves the whole story into an overlong setup for a single joke.
Maybe if I worked in kitchens I'd laugh at the joke. Or maybe if I lived in New York City. Or maybe if I were someone other than myself, I'd be rolling on the floor trying not to crush my Kindle, laughing helplessly. But I have not worked in a kitchen, I do not live in New York City, and I am (much to my frequent dismay) not someone other than myself, and just because I was clobbered repeatedly over the head with Eccentric, Silly, Clever, Quirky, and Crude things, I failed to find more than a scrap of it interesting, let alone funny.

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