Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Brandon Sanderson)

Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
(The Alcatraz series, Book 1)
Brandon Sanderson
Scholastic
Fiction, YA Fantasy
****+ (Good/Great)

DESCRIPTION: When Alcatraz Smedry set fire to his foster parents' kitchen, he wasn't surprised. He always breaks things, sometimes just by being in the same room with them. Naturally, it'd mean another pair of foster parents would give up on him - these two had been remarkably tolerant, putting up with him for eight whole months - but what else was new? Ever since he could remember, he's been in foster care. Sometimes he wonders if he ever had a real mother or father, or if he broke them, too.
Which is why it was so strange when he received a gift on his 13th birthday, purporting to be from his father... but why would anyone, even a prankster, send him a box full of sand?
The next day, instead of the social worker he expected, Alcatraz finds a strange old man on the doorstep. Claiming to be his grandfather, he seems frantic to learn that the sand has gone missing - a fear Alcatraz can't help sharing, when the social worker arrives with a gun. Even though the old man saves his life, Alcatraz simply cannot believe his story: that America is part of the Hushlands, kept deliberately in the dark about the true nature of the world by the evil cultists known as Librarians, and that the stolen sand just might allow them to extend their grip over the remaining Free Kingdoms. Guns more primitive than swords? Magical Talents? Glasses that grant wearers special gifts? It's insanity, every word of it.
But, of course, that's exactly what the Librarians have trained him to believe...

REVIEW: Having enjoyed Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy, and working for the local library system, I had to give this one a try. The story itself is decent enough. Alcatraz isn't the most noble of heroes, and never pretends to be; he goes to great lengths to point out his own cowardice, selfishness, and stupidity. His companions tend toward exaggerations, as befitting the inherently silly, often manic nature of the plot. Still, none of them are complete idiots, and even in their eccentricities they all carry their own weight. Alcatraz even manages to grow a little, if reluctantly and in spite of himself.
What lifted this book in the ratings was Sanderson's writing style. The unfettered glee with which he toys with the reader, reveling in his absolute power as the storyteller, turns a decent story into a marvelous one. The text is littered with literary references with an obvious tongue-in-cheek flair as Sanderson simultaneously salutes libraries and books while casting librarians in the role of the ultimate evil on Earth. It's been a while since I read a book that just had fun with itself like this. Hopefully, I can get my hands on the second volume someday - not necessarily because I'm invested in Alcatraz's adventures, but because it was such a kick to read.

Things To Do While Avoiding Things To Do: And 56 More Fun Lists for Procrastinators (Mark J. Asher)

Things To Do While Avoiding Things To Do: And 56 More Fun Lists for Procrastinators
Mark J. Asher
Amazon Digital Services
Nonfiction, Humor
**+ (Bad/Okay)

DESCRIPTION: Procrastination. It's not just a word, it's a way of life. But even the best procrastinator runs out of ideas, forcing them to contemplate the horrendous alternative: productivity. To delay that terrible moment as long as possible, here are 56 lists sure to increase one's non-work output.
A Kindle-exclusive title.

REVIEW: It was a freebie download, and I'm an inveterate procrastinator myself, so this looked fun. Asher's lists, unfortunately, tend to be bland and repetitive, and not nearly as witty as advertized. I honestly cannot recall actually laughing at a single list or item. On the plus side, at least it read fast, and reading it helped me procrastinate on my own projects; that partial success earned it the extra half-star.

George Grove and the Dragon (LJ Lawry)

George Grove and the Dragon
(The George Grove series, Book 1)
LJ Lawry
The George Grove Project
Fiction, YA Fantasy
* (Terrible)

DESCRIPTION: Roddy and his two best friends, Dex and Gaz, have been inseparable since primary school... but, if Roddy's posh mother has her way, this will be their last summer together. She enrolled Roddy in St. Jude's, where he might make some worthwhile acquaintances to raise the family's status, while Dex and Gaz - both from "disadvantaged" homes - will attend the notoriously troubled George Grove school. The boys already have plans to work around that obstacle, utilizing Dex's peculiar ability to make others see what he wants them to see and Gaz's uncanny skill at slipping in and out of the most unusual places. In the meantime, they have another, far more interesting summer project to keep them together: a very strange egg, which hatched out a very strange lizard. It only eats petrol and other combustibles, and it has strange winglike growths on the back of its glittery-scaled body... but surely it's just some sort of exotic gecko. After all, dragons are like magic: neither exist in modern-day South London.
Or do they?
Meanwhile, among the hidden community of witches, elves, and other supernaturally-inclined people, a political schism moves toward outright war. The ICE has monitored and regulated travel between the mundane realm and the magical "third realm," source of ideas and inspiration for all Mankind, but squabbles over who should be permitted to cross - or even if the portals should remain open - threaten to tear the community apart. The harbingers of DoOM seek to stamp out the so-called "ordinary" magic that crops up in London's populace, refusing to contact (let alone train) new talents, and separate the third realm from humanity's corrupting influence. But doing so would plunge the mortal world into a death spiral, denying it the new ideas and opportunities that make life worth living.
Before long, Roddy and his friends - and their secret, special pet - find themselves at the heart of the struggle for the future of London... and the world.
A Kindle-exclusive title.

REVIEW: What can I say about a story whose three main characters are so utterly, unsympathetically stupid that they cannot recognize a fire-breathing dragon when it's sitting right in front of them? How can I possibly describe the mind-melting agony of a book that explores the stark, soul-crushing depths of inner city youth, then cheerily suggests that even the most abused and hardened soul can instantly blossom into a wonderful and loving human being after a plate of warm cookies and a nice heart-to-heart chat with a friendly face?
I don't know if I can, but a vague sense of duty compels me to try.
Roddy and his pals prove themselves, time and again, too dirt stupid to actually have a magical adventure. When they read that one of the only ways to control a growing dragon is a siren - which their sourcebook quite clearly describes as the beautiful singing woman of legend - they nevertheless persist in their delusion that only a police car siren will do the trick... a delusion that persists because Lawry practically breaks his back twisting the plot so that there's always a siren of some sort around whenever their dragon needs taming. As ridiculously dumb as they are, I don't suppose I can blame the story when it tires of them and wanders off down the street. By turns, it peers into the world of two dimwitted police officers, visits several teachers at George Grove (both magical and mundane), delves into the hellish worlds of several students, dawdles about in the downright silly "third realm" visiting the beings that live there... in short, it wanders all over South London and beyond, as though it had forgotten all about three boys trying to keep a growing rogue dragon under wraps in the heart of a modern city. In the end, what started as a light modern fantasy about London boys raising a baby dragon degenerates into a sledgehammer-subtle Message about the evils of modern education systems that value statistics and meaningless regulations over learning and imagination. Lawry cannot even bring the tale to a proper conclusion, leaving the whole story dangling on a cliffhanger.
When I finally reached that ending, after subjecting my poor and protesting brain to page after page of thick London slang, wondering just who had edited this atrocity and if they actively hated the reading public, I almost laughed out loud. I'd just about clawed my eyes out trying to finish this book; for what possible reason would I torture myself with a second one?

February Site Update

The previous 13 reviews are now archived and cross-linked on the main Brightdreamer Books website.

In other news, with luck I'll be upgrading to a newer computer in March; there may be an update disruption while I wrestle the new machine into submission.

Enjoy!

The Moonlighter's Guide to Online Writing for Immediate Income (Connie Brentford)

The Moonlighter's Guide to Online Writing for Immediate Income
Connie Brentford
Moonlight Media
Nonfiction, Business/Writing
**** (Good)

DESCRIPTION: Most of us could use a little more money... or a lot more money. How can we generate extra income without tying ourselves to a second job? Many opportunities await, if you know where - and how - to look for them. The author, a professional freelance writer for many years, shares tips for finding legitimate jobs writing articles and other content online.
A Kindle-exclusive title.

REVIEW: A short, informative ebook, The Moonlighter's Guide delivers exactly what the cover blurb promises: a number of ideas, helpful hints on getting started, and an extensive list of websites where would-be freelancers can find either more information or actual paying jobs. Brentford explains the various methods of earning money with online content - up-front pay, residual pay, and affiliate links - plus their pros and cons. She also touches on basic grammar, how to get started, and other things a newbie ought to keep in mind. Her list of sites might use more annotation, but considering the size of the guidebook (and the fact that I downloaded it during a freebie promotion window), I can't complain.

The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
(A Sherlock Holmes collection, Book 2)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Public Domain Books
Fiction, Anthology/Mystery
***+ (Okay/Good)

DESCRIPTION: In this second collection, Doctor Watson relates more stories of his escapades with the singular detective Sherlock Holmes, ranging from a glimpse at his earliest cases to his fateful meeting with the criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty.

REVIEW: Once more, while exposure to previous renditions no doubt colored my reading, I could still enjoy these tales for their original characters and the variety of crimes and criminals. It lost half a star because a couple stories felt over-talky, with one being entirely related via flashback. I also felt there ought to have been a little more build-up to a nemesis like Moriarty... especially one who proves so pivotal in Holmes' life and canon. (The fact that Doyle, likely for financial reason, bowed to public demand and resurrected his seminal detective for more stories also takes some of the bite of "The Final Problem.") Still, I enjoyed it overall.
(My reaction to "The Final Problem," I suspect, is strongly tainted by the many movies and other interpretations that build up Moriarty as a long-running antagonist... most notably the recent BBC Sherlock, whose second series finale blows Doyle's conclusion out of the water.)