Starter Villain
John ScalziTor
Fiction, Humor/Sci-Fi
*** (Okay)
DESCRIPTION:
Thirtysomething Charlie's life is going exactly nowhere, and he knows it. Once a journalist, he's now divorced and living in his late father's house, barely scraping by as a substitute teacher. Soon, he may not even have the house, with his half-siblings fighting to have him evicted. If not for his cat Hera, he'd be alone in the world. Then his estranged uncle dies and everything changes.
He had only ever seen Jake once, but knew he was reasonably wealthy as the owner of a national chain of parking garages - at least, that's what he and most other people thought. When one of Uncle Jake's business partners reaches out to him, insisting he host the memorial service, Charlie notices some very unusual things. The floral arrangements all have nasty, even threatening messages like "Not Soon Enough" and "Rot in Hell" with them. The "mourners" seem to only be there to confirm that it's Jake's body and he is, in fact, dead (apparently he faked it at least once before). Then his home is blown up by an intruder - and that's when Charlie learns just what Uncle Jake's real business was. It turns out the old man was a supervillain, complete with volcano lair and henchpeople and hyperintelligent gene-modified cat spies, and like it or not Charlie has inherited the role - and all the enemies that come with it.
REVIEW:
I was hoping for something light and fun when I picked this up, especially after my previous read, which turned into a dark, heavy slog. That much, Scalzi delivered on, with a helium balloon-light tale... but there's basically nothing else here beyond the somewhat silly concept of the name.
From the start, Charlie is a hapless everyman of minimal personality. Even his jobs, formerly a journalist and currently a substitute teacher, barely come into play. You could swap him out with pretty much anyone, and while I understand that this is the plot role of an "everyman" it still made him feel too generic and flat to really care about. He's there to be the straight man (clever dialogue notwithstanding) as all manner of strange characters and circumstances occur around him, leading him through the story in a state of perpetual affable befuddlement until he comes out the other side little different than he went in. Oh, once in a while he sort of does something that affects things (or maybe not; many punches are either pulled or rigged in advance, and even the concept of "villain" is watered down even as it slams the reader in the face with how truly out-of-a-James-Bond-film monstrous the ultra-wealthy and -powerful are in reality), but for the most part he's just along for the ride, unable to step off but not really driving the plot forward. Everyone around him handles thorny details and blunts the corners for him as he wanders through life as the unexpected heir to an empire, and though Scalzi throws a bunch of words on the page describing that empire, most of it doesn't really matter because it means next to nothing to Charlie or the plot. Or maybe that was just me struggling to care.
There's a lot of clever dialogue and quips and banter that's ultimately so much pointless yammering, quite often talking around the point or delaying plot progress with digressions that were meant to be humorous but grew tiring quickly. (I actually found myself thinking that the whole story might've played better as a graphic novel, so the speech bubbles could just carry the tale without bogging down in words describing the rest of events in the panels.) It takes over halfway through the book for anything with any real stakes that I could feel to come into play, and even then Charlie was so hand-held and coddled by the plot and even his ostensible enemies that I really couldn't feel the peril or stakes; even comedy needs something like stakes, a reason to care about what happens, or it's just a string of vaguely amusing occurrences. By the end it becomes clear just how little Charlie or anything else I'd read ultimately mattered in how anything plays out, so there seemed minimal point to the whole digression in his unassuming and forgettable life... much like the experience of reading Starter Villain. It made be chuckle a bit as I read it, but it left no lasting impression.
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